Muse

Where to start? Well Jill just left. She caught the 5:25 to LA and back to her real life. Driving home after saying goodbye I found myself visibly upset for the first time in some years. Why? Not sure exactly, I think it’s the way she looks at me. Just being near this little girl makes me feel so fucking good. Selfish I know, but it’s not like it’s hurting anything. I do my best nowadays to hold back a bit but wow, she walks in and that just doesn’t matter anymore. It’s not her good looks; plenty of pretty girls out there. It’s that life is for living. Being around Jill can make you feel like you’re truly experiencing your life in the same moment it’s happening. Maybe it’s her smile. Smarts are nice to have, and she’s got them too. To be intelligently creative is to be pretty awesome if ya ask me. Ever been around someone and you just dig it so much no matter what? Oh Jill Allen, I love ya. Who knows what it is exactly but let’s not talk semantics. I’ll take it, all of it.
¬¬
I’m thinking about writing, thinking about writing, writing about thinking about writing. I will continue. When I first began developing Darwin as a character I had no mold, maybe that’s why my classmates pictured me. Who is Darwin? Your guess is as good as mine at this point. I suppose he is a bit like me. He’s by no means a hermit but values his solitude more than most. Drinks a bit too much yet he’s as fit as anyone. He’s not exactly sure why people like him, but they do anyway. He’s aware of his intelligence, but doesn’t always use it. He’s got no qualms about smoking pot, but probably gives too much of a shit what people think of him. He listens to classical music, but enjoys an AC/DC track as much as the next man. He’s the guy no one thinks too much about, but inside he just knows he’ll do something important one day. He’s not too tall, but he’ll fuck your shit up if you do something that warrants it.

California. Nice setting right? Definitely gonna be a good excuse to visit Topanga soon for “research”. God I miss it. Whenever I reminisce, a longing I’m not exactly used to shows up; a little tug that whispers, “You don’t belong here, go.” I will one day. One day. I’ve been saying that shit for so long. I can still see every fallen oak leaf, every unique person, every sunset and it’s slowly driving me crazy. Maybe if I go visit I’ll feel better. I miss Sloan’s oak. I miss Jill. Maybe finishing college in Michigan is the right thing to do but it feels like I’ll never realize this journey and it’s only the beginning. We all have dreams right? I’d pay alotta money to be driving down the PCH right now. Doesn’t matter if it’s in the bed of a truck with five immigrant workers, in fact that would do just fine. As long as my eyes can touch the ocean and my nose can taste the salt I’ll be ok. Yep, time to move.

Never did figure out what I’m going to be when I grow up, but writing feels like a good fit. Maybe I’ll be a success, maybe I’ll fail miserably. I gotta do something and writing is fun so why not. What are your dreams?